Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
