Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize