Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
