we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
