my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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