I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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