my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
