woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
