I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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