Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
