At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize