as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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