I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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