Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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