Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
