Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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