actually, I'm a sock model
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
