now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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