But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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