i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize