So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize