how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
