dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
