Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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