Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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