eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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