It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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