I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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