God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
