Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
