Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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