Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
