I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize