I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
