you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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