He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
