Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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