Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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