Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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