Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
