pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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