I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
