butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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