My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
