I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm like, not good at living.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
