Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
