So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
