just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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