i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How external is "for external use only"?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
