So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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