You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
