just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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