yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize