i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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