I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
