I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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