I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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