we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
