Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
