how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I died a long time ago.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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