why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
