mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am midnight drunk by noon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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