He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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