your room smells of hookers.
And success
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
