Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
