Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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