I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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