this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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