he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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