I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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