i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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