the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
