I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
