somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
