Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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