Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
