the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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