you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
