I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
