is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
