my mouth tastes like poor choices
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
