Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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