the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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