When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just high enough for therapy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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