The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
