We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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