Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
