I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
