So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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