I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fuck appropriateness.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize