I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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