I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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